i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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