how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize