we have pet lesbian snakes
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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