My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
and she was petting her beer can
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
