Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
