I'll bet she douches with gravy.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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