HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
