well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
