hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
