You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
