So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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