worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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