I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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