if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
