If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
farters have to be the big spoon...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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