bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
