I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
