And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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