He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
