strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
