It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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