Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
