Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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