oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
