He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
