I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i think i have two assholes
It's just like the Real World with babies
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
