sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
