hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
