So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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