You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
