My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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