he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
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