Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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