look no pants
Porn is love you can see.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize