Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Barsexuality is the new black.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
