I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
