At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
