I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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