I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
