I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
