Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
