Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Brb crying the tears of my youth
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
