If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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