I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just had sex on a roof
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
