So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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