Your face is a jimmy john
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
