Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
