Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
