Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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