i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
