I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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