MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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