he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
