Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the day after is always just damage control
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize