Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
