I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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