I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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