haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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