My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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