if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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