I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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