TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
