i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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