i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
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