I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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