nut hugger
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
