My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
