I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
