Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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