Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize