U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
