whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
