yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
