HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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